“who’s the blonde?”

“that’s agent booth. she’s pretty new, from the la office, and she’s one of the best. oh, and she’s your senior field agent. olympic-level marksman, speaks several languages, and rumour has it she has an affinity for knives.”

[jaw drops]

“i think you have some anger issues, hollywood. if you pressed any harder on the paper it probably would have ripped. it’s very heavy writing for two simple words. got anything you want to get off your … small chest?”

“yeah, i do. get. to. work.”

—fortunatefool:

-teacuphumans:

“i don’t keep food in my desk. that drawer is for first aid. which you will need the next time i catch you near my desk.”

“you can do better than that shana. it’s going to take a whole lot more than that to scare me off. why would you even keep a first aid kit in there anyway?”

“accidents do happen.” 

and cue shana the creep playing with a knife. so much love between them.

if only there was a cap of rachel nichols with a knife.

“then it’s a good thing i would much rather eat my own flesh than have sex with you.”

“you’re like fucking hannibal lector. she might have you beat btk. congratulations.”

“but, like, i’m hollywood. like, i couldn’t, like, be any, like, mastermind.”

“you sounded like cher from clueless. job well done, malibu barbie.”

“ouch. that just hurt, hollywood. you’re trying to get rid of me already? we still have so much to talk about and catch up on. i need to know your birthday and favourite colour. it’s wrong of me to assume that it’s pastel pink to go perfectly with the tiffany’s turquoise that all of you malibu barbies love.”

“it’s not turquoise, it’s called ‘tiffany blue’. pastel pink looks like someone threw up blood with their lunch. and for the record, pink and tiffany blue don’t go together. obviously.”

“if you don’t wanna be called hollywood you really should downplay your whole … snob thing you’ve got going on right now.”

“i’m not a snob you moron. i’m a girl. girls know these things. besides, tiffany’s is the international word for ‘a guy must really care about you because he spent so much money on a really nice piece of jewelry’. then again, you’ve probably never cared about a girl before you knocked some up so you didn’t need to buy them anything nice. and danica … she doesn’t really seem like the type to want jewelry.”

“are you cared for then ava? anyone special who buys you such nice pieces of jewelry?”

“you couldn’t put the paper in the recycling? at least be eco-friendly with your immaturity?”

“really, hollywood? you just keep bringing the clichés with being part of the green movement too. next you’ll tell me that you do yoga and pilates and drink wheatgrass.”

“yoga is for zen freaks, pilates is for airheaded bimbos, and the only wheat i drink comes in beer. all i ask is to recycle paper.”

[throws paper ball at shana] “there. that’s my definition of recycling. i’m just doing my part to save the environment. you’re welcome.”

“i don’t keep food in my desk. that drawer is for first aid. which you will need the next time i catch you near my desk.”

“you can do better than that shana. it’s going to take a whole lot more than that to scare me off. why would you even keep a first aid kit in there anyway?”

“accidents do happen.” 

“and i got kicked out of the hospital. the nurses just couldn’t do their work because they wanted a piece of papa moretti. i mean, who can blame them, right?”

[laugh]

“no fucking way did you just laugh at me, bundy. am i dead? is this the part where you kill me now? is hollywood in on it? that’s gotta be how you’re so good then. she’s the mastermind and you’re the muscle.”

“since it’s impossible for you to talk son of sam, can you at least bang on something when marilyn monroe gets close?”

“probie, what are you doing behind my desk?”

“hollywood! what’s up? how’s it going?”